I have packed on the pounds throughout the years…

Over the years, I had to deal with a whole lot in my life. Unresolved childhood trauma, issues with my marriage, a move overseas, a miscarriage, giving birth and raising kids in a foreign country. My second pregnancy ended in an emergency c-section because my son and I nearly lost our lives.

To make matters worse, I suffered (unknowingly) from postpartum depression. I only realized what was going on years later when my mental health started to normalize. Almost like I lived my life in total darkness and one day, I woke up and the lights were on. While I see everything more clearly now, I’m left feeling like I was in a coma for most of my adult life, wondering how much of it I missed.

I think about all the times I pushed through exhaustion, all the times I swallowed my emotions because “I had to be strong,” and all the times I ignored my own needs because I thought that was just part of being a mother, a wife, a woman. I wasn’t living; I was surviving. And the worst part? I didn’t even realize it.

The Pounds Packed On

Throughout my struggle with my mental, emotional, and physical health, I packed on the pounds. It didn’t happen overnight. It was slow, sneaky—one day I looked in the mirror, and I barely recognized myself. I know why it happened. Stress eating, emotional eating, late-night eating, skipping meals only to binge later, and just pure exhaustion. Moving my body was the last thing on my mind when I was drowning in everything else.

But let me be clear: I have no one to blame but myself. And you know what? I don’t regret it. Not one bit. Because if I hadn’t gone through all that, I wouldn’t have learned what I know now. I simply can’t eat my problems away. Food is not therapy. Comfort eating only numbs the pain temporarily, and then you’re left with guilt and extra weight to carry—both physically and emotionally.

Another big lesson? Ask for help. I was so caught up in trying to do it all on my own that I burned myself out. I wish I had spoken up sooner, but at least I see it now. I don’t have to carry the world on my shoulders alone.

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Working on Me: My “Glow Up” is a Work in Progress…

So, where do I go from here? Forward. That’s the only direction I’m looking in.

Going forward, I will be working on myself and stop self-sacrificing for others. That doesn’t mean I stop caring or stop being there for my loved ones, but it does mean I stop putting myself dead last. Because when I do that, I have nothing left to give anyone, including myself.

There will be setbacks, upsets, and moments where I feel like I’m failing. But what there won’t be is regrets, looking toward the past, or living in the past. The past already took enough from me. I refuse to give it any more.

I live for the moment. And in this moment, I choose me.