As I look into the mirror at my hair, I wondered about life and how change has happened over the years. The world, society, and even myself have all changed. However, sometimes I just feel like I was asleep at the wheels while living life.
The feeling of change in myself
I have never been ashamed of how I looked (except for the few times my foster mom gave me an awful haircut. Thanks, mom!, lol) but I never really put much thought into my appearance. Throw on a t-shirt and tennis shoes, fluff up my afro hair. Sometimes stick a scarf around my head for color and out the door I go.
But today, as I stand in the bathroom preparing to wash my lovely locks, something in me is asking for a change. Not just in my appearance but also in my life. During the lockdown, I had some time to review my life. Where I have been, where I was, and where I want to be.
Taking it one step at a time
I remember when I was young, I would climb trees and stay out long after the street lights came on. I had no fear of heights or the dark. I felt that I could and would conquer all that I set out to do in life but as I grew older, I became insecure in myself and in life. Doubts and confusion filled my head. Shyness and social awkwardness became a thing for me. Anxiety set in. I stuck my nose in books and my mind went off to distance places and time.
I learned to cover my insecurities with a smile. I learned to navigate society despite the anxiety but at some point I started to close myself off from my friends, from my family, and ultimately from the brave person I know I could be.
In truth, it is easier for me to stay the course. To never step a foot off the path that I find myself on. Why rock the boat and change things when it’s working?
But is it working?
If I am being truthful to myself, no. I want more out of my life. I feel the need to reevaluate my life and take a different path.
A part of me doesn’t want to try but a stronger part of me is pushing me to change.
Starting on a new journey
If you have gotten this far into this blog post, I thank you for your time and attention.
Today, I feel like I’m on a new journey in my life. I hope to document this change and maybe even inspire others to push themselves to change if that is what they want to do. I hope for everyone to find the best of themselves and happiness and joy in life.
I’m starting my journey today. Today, as I wash my hair, it won’t be like any other day. Into the shower I go as the insecure, uncertain, introverted me and out will pop out an introvert who ready for change and ready to take on the world.
Thanks for taking that journey with me.
